Happy New Year

I have learned a lot this year and I feel have also grown in maturity. Tough circumstances will do that. My husband has been gone either for training or his deployment for all of 2010 with the exception of about two and a half months. Of course, leaving me to pretty much take care of everything, including raising our beautiful baby boy, all by myself. We have a yard that outgrew us with all it's trees, flowers and weeds. Did I mention weeds? My mom broke her ankle and my grandmother died all about the same time. My Godfather's health is deteriorating even further as Alzheimer's grows closer to claiming his too short life.

It has been one of those years. But doesn't each year bring hardships? And don't we always find ways to make it through? I have come to the conclusion that bad or difficult things are going to happen. That is part of life. But, you know what else is part of life? Grace, mercy, laughter, happiness, joy, contentment and peace. It is all about what filter you look through. Am I going to look through the filter of happiness and contentment, or am I going to look through the filter of difficulty, pain and hurt?

This year, I learned to do the former. You see, I have been a witness to those who have chosen to live instead of wallow. I have been the recipient of more love and grace than I am probably deserving of. My cup runneth over as individuals and organizations chose to reach out and help us this year and how through all the hard things, love overcame. My husband has been gone while doing a very important job. But it caused us to appreciate every second we do have together and to learn to communicate on a deeper level. My mom broke her ankle and my grandmother died, but a week later we welcomed a new member to the family, my nephew's wife Erin, followed by their baby boy in the fall. And while there is no cure for my Godfather, we as a family have learned that life does go on, as does love.

I pray we all continue to learn the same lesson as 2011 approaches and goes by all too fast, just as each year seems to do. Enjoy each moment. Make the most of it. Choose to laugh until you cry instead of crying and forgetting to laugh.

Happy New Year!!!!!

Thanksgiving

For a moment, I'm going to jump on the Thanksgiving bandwagon. Then I'm going to take that bandwagon and do some off-roading. I hope you will stick around for the ride.

Everyone during this week, every year in the USA, will take time to stop and give thanks for whatever it is we are thankful for. What am I thankful for? Firstly, I'm thankful for a God who loves me when, in my eyes, I can be unlovable more times than not. Next, I'm thankful for my husband and how he also loves me, appreciates me and who has the ability to make me also appreciate myself. I'm thankful that he is giving and that he works so hard, through some not so fun jobs, to provide for us and love our family in that way. I'm also so thankful for how he loves our son.

Speaking of Lil' D, I'm thankful that he is who he is. An amazingly smart and curious little boy who at 13 months found those little feet of his and has not stopped walking since. Having him in my life has changed how I see the world. It has changed my entire world, and I love him more and more each and every day.

Our family owns, what I think, is a very cool old home with a lot of character. Are there things I'd like to change about it? Of course. But still, I wake up in the morning, and I am in MY home. We have heat, air conditioning, food to eat and most modern convenience. It is a wonderful feeling.

The thankfulness does not stop there. While I'm not really thankful that my husband is deployed, I am thankful at the opportunity it gives to be able to spend Christmas and New Years with my family and friends back east. Every day I get more and more excited about it. With new family married and born into our little pack along with all the old stand-byes ;-) this holiday season promises to be very special indeed.

At this very moment, as I sit here and type this while Lil' D watches the Macy's Day Parade on tv and plays with our dog Ebony, I'm thankful that I don't have to cook dinner today. That blessing is bestowed on my in laws, Earl and Laura, of whom I am also thankful. They put up their Christmas tree for Derrek, so spending this day with them will be very fun, and very yummy.

Looks like I'm thankful for a lot. The trick though is to remember just how blessed I am every day and to appreciated the blessings, no matter how big or small that find their way to our families life.
The bandwagon off-road tour will have to wait until this evening. In the mean time, choose to be thankful and to love today. It really is a lot easier than the alternative.

Seasons Change

I have been listening to a lot of radio lately. Baby D and I, along with the dog, took a road trip recently to Maryland to visit with family and friends. During that time, I also had my 15 year high school reunion and we celebrated, although 3 weeks early, Lil' D's 1 year birthday. It was a wonderful trip, with beautiful signs of autumn were everywhere.



During these radio shows, I heard a lot of comparing autumn to approaching the "winter of life." Apparently, the fall season reminds some people of winter, and thoughts about their life and legacy begin to fill their minds and hearts. Lots of shivering and dread along with it. We heard many stories about terrible times in people's lives. The purpose of these stories was to show how, after our 20/20 vision becomes clear, these experiences make us stronger, wiser and contribute to our life legacy. Or, if you have faith in God, how He brought you through and has the ability to create light from the darkest moments.



The big question that always follows these kinds of story lines is, "What will your legacy be?"



It is a loaded question. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I don't think these radio show hosts and their guests are really seeing the big picture. In order to see it, you have to look at an entire year of seasons, or your entire life. Since we are all still alive, we really do not have the ability to do this. The people who remain after us will be the ones concerned about your legacy. I think it is kind of silly to spend time pondering it.



With this in mind, I have decided to write a blog series on the seasons and how people compare them to real life. However, it is important to remember that the season's are interconnected. One would not be possible without each of the the others. They are all not only important, but necessary. They all have wonderful parts and they all have challenges. Let's take a "whole picture" look together.



Spring means rebirth. It is the time where the weather warms, the sun stays out longer, animals wake from their winter slumber and trees and plants begin to come alive. Wonderful colors abound. Scents you have not smelled in months and the warm sun on your skin makes you feel alive. In rural areas, plows and seeders are oiled, gassed and put back to service as crops are planted. Many types of animals and livestock give birth.



That is the picture most people have of spring. I have that picture too, with one addition. Zyrtec. Holy hay fever Batman! My reality is that, without allergy medicine, I would not be able to enjoy all the good stuff about spring.



When using the season comparison to life, most people consider the spring of life to be childhood. When you are born and start your life. It is happy, joyous and exciting. Not only for the child, but for everyone around them. When raising a baby, you realized that this is a wonderful, beautiful individual person with so much potential. Then you have sleepless nights. Beyond nasty diapers. Tears. Teething. Bumps and bruises.



You see, a child can't learn the difference between hunger and thirst without experiencing them and quenching them. A child can not learn to walk without falling over and over again. A child can't learn to trust without someone being there to comfort and love on them when they are crying. A child can't learn to read unless they are read too. The beginning, or spring of life, is wonderful. But it is NOT only full of sunshine, roses and butterflies. There are allergies, tornadoes, rainy days and growing pains.



Spring is not possible without winter. Most plants need a season to be dormant. They have to "sleep" in order to biologically be able to bloom in the spring. They may bloom after an overly mild winter, but they are never EVER as beautiful and robust as they are after a nice cold and snowy winter with a gradual spring that follows.



In life, new life can not start without maturity and growth of two other individuals. Seeds can't grow if they don't die first. If their shell is not broken and the actual seed shed to fertile soil with access to water and sunlight. Perennials and bulbs that are planted in the fall and look like dead roots or dead masses of plant matter are in fact, not dead at all. They are full of life. They are full of the energy, DNA, food and protection that will allow the plant to grow as the weather warms.



I know many older people who spend their time thinking about their past. Contemplating their decisions; having regrets and a feeling that life is already over. And yet, young people spend their time dreaming about the future. What do they want to do? Where do they want to work? Going to school? Marriage? Kids?



Here is the thing folks....life is not over until life is over. And life begets more life. I challenge older people to take some time and look forward to your future. You have learned a lot in your life, share it! Live your life, every day of it, with JOY. Throw away those regrets because you can only learn from the past, not change it. Choose to be happy. Choose to feel love and joy. It is a choice, don't ever forget that.



For you youngin's, enjoy today. That means every moment, even when you are doing something you hate. You too can choose happiness and joy over hate, regret and dread. Don't worry about tomorrow or wish your young years away. Walk away from drama. It will take years off your life and increase cortisol levels in your body. It is not worth it. Dream about the future, but don't chisel anything in rock. God often has another plan for you. It is your spring in life, so share it. Spend time with people outside of your age group. Get to know the older people in your family and neighborhood. It will bring both of you joy.



Find a way to endure the tornadoes, take your allergy pills and enjoy spring! Live life. Love life, because it is a gift. And share it. Isn't that really the neatest part of a baby? Being able to love him or her and then share them with the world? And remember, spring is born out of winter.

Just for Fun

Some ladies on a Christian message board to which I belong decided to take some before and after pictures to show how they look when they get up in the morning to when their "beauty routine" is complete.


Being the wife of deployed Army soldier and mother of a 10 month old does not lend a lot of time for taking care of myself. I'm lucky to get a shower before his afternoon nap some days. But now, I think it is time to start taking a little mommy time each day so I an start feeling a tad better about myself. Not to mention, my super wonderful husband and I are going to have a skype date later this morning. Looking nice for him couldn't hurt either.


I was not brave enough to do a "I just rolled out of bed" picture, so here I am after my shower:

I'm apparently different than most of those ladies so far because I do my hair first. This is after my hair is dried and my eyebrows have been tamed:

And finally, here I am after a little bit of makeup. Really, I don't do much. A little bit of foundation primer, copper eyeliner, mascara, highlighter under the brow and in the crook of my eye and lip gloss.

And, here I am! Hope Ray likes it. Then again, he is a man so probably won't even notice ;-) But our cyber date will be fun, regardless.

As The Clearing Begins....

In honor of the long running "As the World Turns" which will soon be ending it's daytime soap opera tv run, I give you this blog entry.

The garden is complete. The line has been drawn in the Nebraskan soil and I have started clearing out everything. The goal is to have this part of the yard, as well as the outer beds between the sidewalk and street, cleared by the end of next week. We had a cold front and storms come through last night, so the weather will be perfect for Derrek and I to head outside.

The proof is in the picture, right? Here you go!

Before we get to the garden design, just a moment to enjoy the magic that happens already. Here are current blooming bellflower (blue), yellow coreopsis that resembles small rudbeckia, and white late blooming hostas.

Here you can see where the new border is. These stones were bordering the yard and sidewalk. They have been moved to make the new garden border and so I have easier access to the part of the yard that is being cleared. So far I have about ten feet cleared.

Another view of the new garden/lawn border.

On the patio area, I moved the table and chairs a bit to make room for Derrek's pack and play. Since his babysitter is back to school, Derrek will have to hang out in the yard with me. Glad the hot weather finally broke.

What a difference, eh? So much more work to do, but I'm enjoying it. There is just something about working outside and seeing the fruits of your labor so quickly that kicks me in the rear to keep going. I have already ordered some bulbs and perennials for fall planting. Oddly enough, with the exception of some very small paper whites, there are no daffodils nor tulips in the yard. There were no mums either, but I have already changed that. The yard should keep me busy though the fall and into winter.

I have some other big plans for the yard, but I'll wait until we clear our way to those parts of the yard before explaining them. Buying this house has been an interesting undertaking just in yard work alone. But it has been so worth it. Now, I need to hop off here, set up lil' D's pack an play outside, and get working!

On to the next project!

Well, I suppose I mean the continued project of this mess of a yard. I'm not going to lie, I'm embarrassed at how much of a mess I have allowed it to become. However, there is light at the end of the tunnel!


We live on a corner lot and have a decent sized yard for living in town. And, the only lawn we have borders the street. The rest of the entire yard is garden; about 60% of which right now is actually Nebraskan jungle.


Here is the game plan:

1. Identify which parts of the yard will remain garden and what will be converted back to a lawn. DONE


2. Clear out weeds and other vegetation that should not be there from the garden areas. Mulch it and spray with herbicide all areas that NOTHING should grow. COMPLETED TOMORROW

3. Transplant plants that I want to keep from areas that are going to be grass and mowed.

4. Once the garden areas are complete, totally clear out, till and plant grass seed.


Now, there is a large portion of the back yard that is nothing but river rock. I believe there used to be a pond there at some point. That area will simply be sprayed with the strongest plant killer I can buy in order to keep it weedless. I'll deal with all of that next year.

Here is the front and side sitting area that is done so far:

Note.....There was very few fall flowering plants in the yard. So, I have planted mums that you can see here in the foreground. I did finally decide on shrubs and planted three spring flowering rhododendron in the back. Oddly enough, they have buds on them now. I'm not complaning.

If you look in the back part of the picture, you will see the area that will be planted as grass in the next month or so.

Now that the heat warning is over and the Baltimore like humidity has floated away with the cool front that stormed through earlier today, it is time to really get moving! Tomorrow, the area beyond the sitting area and it's bordering stone walkway will be cleared and a new stone border through the yard will be done. With that, I may even have time to start transplanting some of the flowers that will remain in the yard.

I promise to post before and after pictures. This yard has humbled me, but I am determined to keep part of the garden and make the rest more manageable. Besides, Derrek and Ebony need some grass to play on and I need a garden to get my hands dirty in.

Today is the day....

May 20, 2010. It is the day that my husband officially returns to active duty in the Army National Guard. While he won't actually be leaving for another couple of days, it is still a sad day. We have known about this date for over a year. It is the day we thought would take forever to get here and yet, here it is.

It really is amazing how time flies. I sure hope the next year plus a month or two flies by as well. As I sit here, our almost 7 month old son is happy and playing in his jumparoo. And yet, every few minutes, I see him stop, look at the front door, say "Da Da Da Daddy," then go back to his play. He is so young and does not understand. But he knows something is up. I think he feels the anticipation and sadness is both Ray and myself.

This deployment will be good in some ways. Ray will be making some great money and will give him the opportunity to both take a much needed break from the job at the prison that he hates as well as get the groundwork ready for him to hopefully enter the Army Chaplain Corps.

On the other hand, it means that Ray and Derrek will miss out on each other for a year. A YEAR! When Ray comes back from Iraq, even for his 2 week R&R, he and our son will have to get to know each other all over again. As Derrek starts talking, and asking questions, how do I explain where his daddy is without crying? How do I explain that his daddy had to go, that it was not a choice, and that his daddy loves him sooooooooo much?

Day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute is how we are going to survive this next year. My prayer is that we will become a family that is more close and in love with each other and dependent on God because of this separation. Right now however, on May 20, 2010, it is hard to see past that bus which is getting ready to roll away with my husband in it.

4 Days And A Wake-Up

And......my husband will be riding away on a bus to begin his deployment. This past week and a half has been full of good times and strong emotions regarding the upcoming separation of our family.


Mother's Day was fine. We went to church and then to my in-laws home for dinner and a visit. It really is fun to watch them enjoy our son so much. In a few short days our baby boy turns 7 months old. People always said the time would fly by and to try to not look ahead but enjoy each day. I have been taking that advice to heart and I'm so glad! He is beautiful, handsome, smart, funny and a blessing to be a mommy to.


We then left for a few days to go to a nearby state park for a little family R&R. We rented a small cabin for two nights. The best part? The fireplace. Nothing like letting my inner pyro out to play. It was cold, damp, rainy and stormy for the majority of the time but that did not stop us from enjoying each other and making memories.

We were able to get a little bit of hiking in on the first day. The park boasts of a "waterfall." Not exactly what I was expecting, but it was easy enough to explore being that the drop is maybe 5 feet. Baby Derrek did well on his first hike (and first diaper change out in the middle of the woods). I was able to do some dutch oven experimental type cooking in the cabin. Next time I think I'm going to use an actual iron dutch oven and not the kind you use on top of a stove. Gotta love just throwing stuff in a pot and letting it cook itself. I sooooooooo wish we had a wood burning fireplace here at home. I suppose that is just something we will have to look for whenever we look for our next home.

Speaking of our home, WEEDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! On the next few sunny days, my yard is not going to know what hit it! Now, we just need a few sunny days and no more of this "global cooling" stuff. That's all I have to say about that.

I know, I'm a blog slacker....

There are normally about 3 or 4 times a week that I think, wow, this would make a GREAT blog post. But, do I sit down to blog about it? It is clear that I don't. It is odd that I don't, simply because, I love to write. I suppose it is going to take a more concise effort to blog on a regular basis. No promises, but I am going to try ;-)

While it is nice to have people who follow your blog or comment, it really is not necessary. In a manner of speaking, this is an online journal of my day to day life. I'm setting a goal for myself to try and blog twice a week. If I can at least get that accomplished and make it a habit, that will be a big accomplishment for me.

Not only will blogging on a regular basis help me, but it will also hopefully be a help to my husband who will very soon be deploying to Iraq.

So, here it goes....!!!!! Next post......Mother's Day!

One week in......any surprises?

Waking up each day with the prayer "Surprise me, God" takes some guts. I have always been of the opinion that a person should never ask a question that they don't really want to know the answer to. And, this prayer really could open up a can of worms I may regret later. But then again, I'm praying this prayer to the One that I should have no fear about. So, I hold my breath, and say it and go about my business...waiting for the surprises to roll in.

Nothing extra ordinary has happened this week. I'm in a huge organizational kick right now, so that and the normal upkeep and management of the home as well as being a wife and mommy has kept me busy. All the tons of snow outside and arctic frigid temperatures have pretty much kept me inside. And of course, it is snowing again. No surprises there.

Being organized makes me feel good. It makes me feel like my house is clean and inviting. There is no searching for items that I know I saw laying somewhere. There is no stress to find that one stupid little thing that I MUST have right now. Being organized allows me to be in control.

Being organized also shows me how much stuff we have. And, in reality, how much we have that is not necessary. Last night I stayed up way too late watching a show on The History Channel. I started watching about 2 minutes into it so I didn't catch the name, but the program followed a family through what would happen in the worst case scenario of a major flu pandemic that turns the entire world into a 3rd world country. No electricity, no oil, no running water, no antibiotics.....pretty much nothing but the shells of homes and the knowledge of those who are left behind and are not killed by the pandemic. And, the mass run for all the "stuff" we need or think we need.

There was one scene where this family of dad, mom and teenage boy finally get out of Los Angeles and make it to a small town. While there, some guys broke into the town stash of food, water and other supplies. They were shot on the spot...no questions asked. One of the commentators said that not many people today in industrialized countries think they could do something like that, killing a looter or turning people away who you know may die if you don't give them food or water. But, it is easy to be "nice" when you are comfortable. And we are very comfortable! As soon as that goes away, things will change. Survival will be your first priority and you will do things you don't think you may be able to do now. If you don't do them, you may die too.

This scenario has me thinking a lot. While I have started this 30 day prayer experiment, I also have joined in with a group of people who are reading through the Bible during this year. There is a lot in there that is hard to understand simply because life then and now is so very different. What was it like for Adam and Eve, when they were thrown out of the garden, to learn how to live off of the land? How did they learn about agriculture, shelter, clothing....all that stuff? What did they think as the seasons changed? How did they learn how to survive? What do I have in common with them and what can I learn from them?

I'm not sure and I probably won't know until I get to ask them and God in person. But, it is a lot easier now to picture how sin changed their lives, their comfort, their everything! They went from living simple lives in communion with God and His creation. I'm sure there was work they had to do, but it seems the garden was filled with food and everything they needed to live very well. That is until they ate from the tree of knowledge. It's funny how we all think the more knowledge we have, the better off we are. That was not the case for Adam and Eve. Sin is just as destructive today as it was when Adam and Eve ate from that tree but we are just too comfortable to always see and understand it.