Today is the day....

May 20, 2010. It is the day that my husband officially returns to active duty in the Army National Guard. While he won't actually be leaving for another couple of days, it is still a sad day. We have known about this date for over a year. It is the day we thought would take forever to get here and yet, here it is.

It really is amazing how time flies. I sure hope the next year plus a month or two flies by as well. As I sit here, our almost 7 month old son is happy and playing in his jumparoo. And yet, every few minutes, I see him stop, look at the front door, say "Da Da Da Daddy," then go back to his play. He is so young and does not understand. But he knows something is up. I think he feels the anticipation and sadness is both Ray and myself.

This deployment will be good in some ways. Ray will be making some great money and will give him the opportunity to both take a much needed break from the job at the prison that he hates as well as get the groundwork ready for him to hopefully enter the Army Chaplain Corps.

On the other hand, it means that Ray and Derrek will miss out on each other for a year. A YEAR! When Ray comes back from Iraq, even for his 2 week R&R, he and our son will have to get to know each other all over again. As Derrek starts talking, and asking questions, how do I explain where his daddy is without crying? How do I explain that his daddy had to go, that it was not a choice, and that his daddy loves him sooooooooo much?

Day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute is how we are going to survive this next year. My prayer is that we will become a family that is more close and in love with each other and dependent on God because of this separation. Right now however, on May 20, 2010, it is hard to see past that bus which is getting ready to roll away with my husband in it.