Morgan's Birth Story - Part One

********WARNING**********
What follows may seem to some to be a birth horror story.  Read with caution.  If I had read this story from someone else when I was pregnant, it would not have gone over well.  Also, if you are not interested in medical stuff or hearing about reproductive parts, pass on this and the next two entries as well.

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Picture this....  you have just given birth via c-section a few days ago to a very stubborn baby boy.  He was breech and this is the only reason you are now healing from both birth and major abdominal surgery.  During the surgery, the anesthesia did not properly work.  While you could not feel the cutting, there was much MUCH more than just a bit of pressure as the baby was born and the doctors began to repair you from the inside-out. 

You ask for more pain meds, the anesthesiologist pumps something into your spinal/epidural combo.  Nothing.  You ask again.  She says sorry, I have nothing more to give.  Baby is fine and with daddy over on the other side of the room getting checked out, weighed and cleaned up.  To your right is the nurse who can only try and keep you calm and clean up the vomit from the pain.  And to the left of your head is the thanks.for.no.help anesthesiologist.  Finally, it is over.  You are reunited with your new family in recovery and yet, all you want to do is cry.  Not interested in the baby.  Not interested in anything but just closing your eyes and FINALLY being somewhat comfortable.

I was in the hospital for 6 days with our first, Derrek.  My OB came to do his rounds each day and he informed me that we were all set for a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) if I so wanted to try for that next time around I was set.  My thoughts....You better believe it.  I will NEVER go through something like that again. 

Fast forward through our son's first six months of life, and then a year long deployment of my husband to Iraq.  He comes home and two months later, guess who is expecting again?  I make my first OB appointment and my doctor answers all my current VBAC questions.  And, for the first time, he just mentions in passing that I don't have a large pelvis.  Hmmm....  Funny how that was never mentioned with my first pregnancy.

As each appointment comes, good ole' OB doctor dude continues to heighten the alert regarding the size of my pelvis and how this could make a vaginal birth extremely difficult or impossible.  The following are comments and questions he asked me as I approached and entered my 3rd Trimester:

• Are you sure you want to try this at all?
• When you end up with another c-section, just feel ok about it because it will not be the same experience you had before.
• It sounds to me like you want to run your own birth.  You do understand that as a VBAC patient in a hospital, that is not going to happen? 
• I have had a uterus rupture and lost the baby in a patient.  I have also had 2 babies born with disabilities because the mom was determined not to have another c-section.  Don't be one of them.
• I won't really mind if you want general anesthesia if another c-section is warranted.  But I do not get to make that call and they are done so rarely in labor/delivery, they many not allow it.

And, at my 37 week appointment:

• You can have your trial to VBAC all you want.  But from my 27 years of experience as an OB, I can tell you with certainty that you will not be successful.

Trigger melt down.  I am thankful for my family and friends.  Especially for my online birther type friends.  My doula friend who was my sanity and talked me through my decisions and did not judge.  Even in the midst of her own personal family problems, she was always around for me.  Cue another gal who I believe is studying to be a midwife.  She sent me, and paid for out of her own pocket, an herbal mixture that is meant to help start labor and keep it going once it does start.

Now, here is the part that only a handful of people know.  After my meltdown at that 37 week appointment, I started to work with my husband and my long distance doula friend to come up with a plan.  A plan that would allow me to have the best chance at a successful VBAC since my doctor had zero confidence in my body, pelvis size in particular, to get the job done. 

We talked about an unassisted home birth.  I even ordered an emergency home birth kit.  But nobody was fully on board with that plan.  At the 39 week appointment, we scheduled an induction.  Doctor would NOT allow me to go much past my due date.  Since I had been in prodromal labor for almost a month and I was barely effaced and not even remotely dilated at 39 weeks, it was probably going to be a pitocin induction.  If I was dilated at all when we got to the hospital, we were going to try a Foley catheter induction first.  Doc was ready to go the distance with me, just so I could try.  Even so, he had no confidence to the point that I started calling him Nancy Negative to his face.  But he humored me. 

We did not really tell anyone about the induction.  At that point I was discouraged and yet on fire to try and get this baby out the way God created it to happen.  I was a scared, angry and discouraged hormonal nut job.  And, I was not even remotely interested in hearing any more suggestions, encouragement or ideas.  I was tired of trying method after method to get labor started.  Baby was very high, not engaging and while my uterus was contracting, it was doing nothing.  This continued up until March 3rd.  My due date was the 4th and the induction was scheduled for the 5th. 

......end of part one.....